Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
