Im at strip club and am horny
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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