so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
