Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
