Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Randomize
