actually, I'm a sock model
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
