Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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