i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There are leaves in my underwear?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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