walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
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