A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
