I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
