I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
