There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize