member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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