You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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