Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize