I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Is it because I queefed?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
