i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize