got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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