We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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