why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
