all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
