Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I intend to get homeless drunk
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
