loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
