Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize