Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize
