did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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