Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
