spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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