I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
