Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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