Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
