I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
