i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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