Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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