The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
