So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
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