he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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