I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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