Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize