By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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