I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
