Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
