i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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