Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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