You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
