cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
