I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
