Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
