my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
