It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
