Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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