went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
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