I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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