morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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