If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
It was like getting head from an anaconda
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
