I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
