Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
