I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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