Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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