im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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