oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
