Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
