lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
