weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize