fuck your aforementioned shoe
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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