I puked a lego.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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