Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
