tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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