Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
