About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
