you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
