Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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