Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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