The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
This is not my ceiling
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
