Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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