why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
