I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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