think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
