he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
His hands were made for my vagina.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
