I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
